Goals always have a way of evading me…

This is more along the lines of a journal entry… but fuck it.

Ever since I hit the age of 20 it seems like nothing quite works out the way I want… even that may be a stretch. The simplest of things takes great effort for me for some odd reason. Of course, the older I get the harder it seems to go in new directions or effect real change in my life… changes I can plainly see I should/need to make, but some of these changes come with a big sacrifice… both within myself and what I would really love to spend my time doing as well as sacrificing a more cushioned lifestyle now for the benefit of later.

And then, possibly on a lighter note, there is the fact that I have up to fifteen new songs (three unfinished), songs I had wanted to have completed/sent for mastering/online back in July. Didn’t happen. I had, to me at least, a huge creative wave hit me in April and May of this year, only to be followed with a sort of writers block. Add to this unforeseen expenses and submitting the finished tracks for mastering went out the window (btw – I record music for me, myself, and I, and have no delusions… I just wanted to have a set of songs professionally mastered and given proper treatment post-mixing for myself in the future). So, last month I finally was going to sit down and work on my three unfinished tracks (or whatever sprang up from sitting down) only to have my audio interface die… the thing which enables me to record onto my Mac is now dead… and I can no longer record. So now, not only am I missing the initial money for mastering, money must be spent to get a new interface to make any future recording possible. Never ending disappointment (it can feel that way at times at least when I let it) and frustration.

Here is the only track I did send to the mastering studio as a sort of tester:

And here is one of those fourteen waiting to be sent:
I’ve thought about doing a Kickstarter to help fund the mastering for this, but then, I don’t know… it’s not like I am trying to attract people to my stuff, and even if I wanted to, I don’t know how.

Next week I start a new job… the only good thing about this is having more money for the short-term… money that can go to the above issues as well as into savings for when I will really need it… hopefully in the not-so-distant future.

All in all though, I have a positive mindset, happy in my relationships with those close to me, and over the years have learned from the school of hard-knocks to roll with the punches.

Another of the unmastered 14 tracks that was written for my cat (that is no less a son to me than yours is to you) and girlfriend:


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